Things progress.. days go on. But my life seems to somehow be standing still while I seem to have changed and changing .. if that sounds like i'm contradicting myself, let me give u a visual.. it seems like i'm running, changing, evolving, emerging, demerging devolving basically changing all the while rooted to one spot while all around me is same.. same ... same...!
Most imp change I feel is the loss of driving urge that made me work with intensity that people would find disctracting and sometimes even threatening. Now days flow as if in a dream. Doing what I want, when I want, if I want..like lets take today for instance:
Woke up late in the morn, after having slept at the day break busy playing command & conquer simply called red aleart 3. Unimaginative name and under worked game. Some nice graphics and unit controls but all in all a too similar to past versions. Anyway I could have spent the day finishing long pending accounts, working on several loose ends on endless projects i'm involved in and many of which are on hot plate, sorting out my bro's marketing strategy and working on the promotion material etc (He was at my place with rehana and kids) etc etc.. Considering that tue-wed Naqiyah being with me means its an unofficial holiday for me on those days (Beginning monday night, up until Thu morn), a fri spent constructively would'nt have been so bad.
Atleast those were my initial thoughts when I woke up. Oh well, just a small initial thought that barely registered a protest at what I finally knew I'd do. Afterall Friday's a weekend... who the hell works on the weekends anyway right :)... So here's what I did -
Rushed off to Supermarkets for milk before they would close during Namaz time. Walking into carefoure express is ofcourse an open invite for shopping, and I was not to let them down. I spent liesurely 20~30 mins grocery shopping to my heart's content ( This after Thus night shopping spree in Carefoure at Mirdiff). Went back home and informed Rehana of the plans for lunch. Initial plans were to make Hakka noodles but i realised i did not have oyster sauce and shezwan sauce, so change of plan entailed. I'd got fresh lamb ribs and neck. Decided to make a day out of some authentic mom's style meal. Gave a call to mom, took the receipe and cooked lamb ribs stew with curd and billista(fried onions). By the time I finished it was quite late about 4pm, when I realised that it would not do to have such a beautiful dish without mumbai naan ( not the naan which you get in restaurants, this is lamba pav or naan from suleman usman bakery at mohammedali road), I searched the net but couldn't find any mention of this naan which I wanted.. All the receipes were for the other naan. So I decided to do it myself. Happy coincidence of my mixing up Wheat flour for Maida meant that I landed up with truely authentic suleman bakery naan, same soft but chewy dough, same aroma, same color .. awesome. Then setting up the new toy i'd bought the night before, A printer/scanner/fax which had wireless access so that could be used from any laptop etc, and later off swimming with bro and niece. Back refreshed and rehana made excellent Lamb neck with minimal preparation ( only meat, tamarind, green chilly and salt - no other ingrediants) Lip smackingly good... We gorged on that and now they left and its about 1:15 am already. And here I am, working on thunderbird to solve my Gmail out of space problem (someone challenged me that it's impossible to run out of space on gmail unless i'm receiving and saving forwards and junk emails - i beg to differ, I have 3 more gmail accounts besides primary one, to which I have earlier pushed off tons of my emails in order to bring the primary account to 85~90% but always it gets full!).. Also solved sound muting problem in my comp.. so now finally listening to Pink Matini "And than you're gone" and other songs from their album Splendor in the Grass(2009)... awesome listening, me a big fan!
Back to the raison d'etre of the blog. Cooking, music (listening but even more so practicing guitar or piano), computer games, swimming, story time with Naqiyah are Cathartic endeavors on my part. I wonder what I'm upto sometimes. Maybe running towards something or running away from something, but i'm changing. In this process of change, seems i'm reinventing myself. The issue is why do i feel i need this reinvention, and whats wrong with just being me as I was.. Considering these questions of pesky existential kind which don't neccesarily have any answers which shall satisfy me.. and since these questions are always plauging me as are uncertainities as to what I am doing, ought to be doing and what will work, it sort of figures that I lose myself in these activities.
( Just talking to a friend on MSN and realised that I am infact uncertain, ambigous and maybe pessimistic about future. Too much at stake, too many responsibilities. So I'm maybe simply turning away from practicle realities of life.. into a world as I would envision it, full of creative , fun and nice things.. its withdrawal rather than growth!)
On the flip side there is an advantage that a more balanced mind, and a relaxed mental state results in better output even though the time devoted in actual WORK per se is less. Atleast in my case it seems to be working out like that for a while. Long term effect of this attitude cannot be deduced yet .. will know soon enough I guess :)
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